Empower them!

I have an opinion that I am going to share...shocking, right?! It is likely not going to be a popular one, but it's my blog and I do what I want. If you don't like it, feel free to share your views and comments and we can agree to disagree.

We hear so much these days about bullying with school-age children. It really is becoming such a problem in this entitled generation that is being raised. Kids are being raised to think that they can do no wrong, that they are the best at everything, and that other kids are less than themselves. There is nothing that the good parents can do about the choices of the bullies' parents. Nothing. We cannot legislate them to teach their kids respect nor can we legislate the children to suddenly relearn their self-image and their image of others. They have been raised to be mean, for whatever reason. No, we should not just give up on these children, but we should focus on our own children. What does a bully prey on? On another person's self-image. They make the other kids feel helpless, less than the bully, and unable to do anything about it. Why do we raise kids who allow this to happen? And this is where this will get tricky... No, I am not blaming the victim! I am really not. I am advocating for parents to teach their children that other kids' opinions of them are just that, irrelevant opinions! My kids are normal kids and tend to say mean things to each other at times. One will come tell me, "MOM! So-and-so just called me dumb!" My response is always, "Are you dumb?" The child will say no, of course. So I ask them, "then why does it matter? If you aren't dumb, the opinion is false and means nothing. If you were dumb, which you are certainly not, and didn't like that opinion of yourself, you could change it. But when someone calls you something it only hurts you as much as YOU let it." Of course, the other child is also dealt with accordingly, but they are learning that what other people say or think about them does not define them! That they are who they are and no one can change that.

Mylee is currently dealing with a difficult child at school. He was pulling on her backpack the other day and she told him that if he didn't stop her mom would come talk to him and he replied with a threat to have his dad come cut her head off with a knife. Ummmm, what?! We are talking about first graders here! Mom's first instinct? Go talk to the teacher, the principal, the head of the school district and the kid's parents!! Mom's actual reaction? Helping her deal with what he said, letting her know that he was coming from an ugly place and it is not her fault that he behaves this way, and guiding her to the proper avenues for handling the situation appropriately. She spoke to the principal first thing the next morning and things were dealt with. I could have coddled her, told her, "poor baby, mommy will save you, he's such a mean little boy." I could have helped her become the victim. Instead, I enabled her to handle the situation, stick up for herself, find a proper solution, and show the boy that she will not take his actions lightly.

I truly do not believe that my children will be bullies OR the victims of bullies. They are learning that they are no better or worse than any other person. That every person has worth and is special in their own way. They are being taught how unacceptable bullying is and not to allow it. We can't fight bullying by focusing only on the bullies. We need to empower our children to take charge of who they are and be confident in that and not allow others to change that or take that away from them!