It's been a while since I've blogged...again. I should do it more often, it's therapeutic for sure, but who has the time? Not this girl.
Maci is now 3.5 months old and life is hectic to say the least! We are getting ready to move in just a week now, we get the keys to the new place next Friday! I am in school full-time and finished my last two classes with 96% and 97% and jumped right into new classes the next day. I feel like a damn school bus Monday through Friday. I drive round-trip to the school three times a day! That's three times of putting Maci in her carseat and taking her out of it, three times up and down the stairs with two-five kids trying to herd them into the car and into their seatbelts and usually three of Maci's naps interrupted. I am not in love with half-day kindergarten at all. Then, on Fridays the kids get out early. So I get to do all three trips between 9:00 and 1:15. So much for any type of schedule for the little ones! Hailey has started volleyball recently as well so that means taking five kids to sit through hour long practices. They do not love it. On top of all of this, people are coming randomly to look at the place we live in now to see about renting it once we move so I am under pressure to keep it pretty clean at all times....and pack our stuff.
Bj got a job and he's still going to school full-time so Monday through Saturday he is gone pretty much all day. I am super proud of him for getting a job that he loves and still being so dedicated to school. I could not have found a more amazing man for myself and these kids. But it sucks. I miss his help. Trying to wrangle five kids in the grocery store by myself has been an absolute adventure at times. Just making dinner is an adventure most nights. Our precious Maci is pretty insistent on being held constantly so I either hold her and cook or turn the radio on loud enough to drown out the crying when I know she's had everything she needs. The bigger kids typically do homework while I cook dinner so Colton gets put in his booster seat at the table to do whatever. It is seriously like a damn zoo at my house. I am fortunate that my kids are super independent and get themselves ready for bed and school (the older ones anyway) so those times aren't too chaotic. I have released total responsibility of their homework to the kids so if they get it turned in, yay for them! If not, oh well, guess they'll learn next time. They have all been really good at it so far!
I think the biggest struggle I have right now is myself. I looked in the mirror yesterday and I don't even recognize myself. I used to be this cute, skinny, fun, crazy, party-girl who never left the house without makeup, hair done, and cute clothes! Now, I am a fat, not-so-cute, grumpy, tired, stressed lady who showers every 2-3 days, wears pajamas to the store, and would much rather get a baby sitter to take a nap than go have a beer. I miss me. And yes, this is where I should insert some shit about how amazing my kids are and how it's all worth it because they are the best thing that's ever happened to me, but I won't. That's not how I feel right now. Don't get me wrong, my kids are awesome. They are also little energy suckers. I can literally feel them sucking the sanity from me on a daily basis. Every time I express how I feel about myself I get some asshat telling me, "so go work out," or, "just make time for yourself." Yeah, fucking great advice. When?? At 4 a.m. before Maci wakes up for the third time in the night? At 8 p.m. when Bj gets home and dinner is all done and I am so fucking exhausted I can barely see straight but have to pull it together because I have homework to do? Or when Austin is at school and it is time for the younger two to nap? Yeah, I'd LOVE to go to the gym. As soon as I find a spare five minutes in my day, I'll be sure to figure out how I can do that. Maybe one of these days I'll also find time for a shower. Yes, I chose to have five kids. And I love them so much. I do not love me anymore, however. Hell, I don't even know me anymore and that is the part that I struggle with on a daily basis. Having five kids is fucking hard. Who would have guessed.
The good news is I finally feel like we are living again. After 9 months of VERY minimal income Bj finally has a job and we got a new vehicle, got a new place to live with much more space for all of us, and we even have new cell phones on the way. Hopefully this will make things a bit easier, less hectic, less stressful, or just somehow better in some way. So yeah, life with five is...interesting. I wouldn't trade any one of them for the world, though.
