Five words I NEVER imagined saying to ANY of my kids. Ever. They were said, or more accurately, yelled tonight at Mylee. I know we shouldn't say things we don't mean out of anger and we shouldn't talk to them when we are very angry...instead we should take a minute to calm down and gather our thoughts. Whoever had this idea never dealt with Mylee. My mini-me is insanely smart, capable, and truly an amazing person. However, when she wants to be naughty, she's amazing at that as well. She got her second "think-time" notice sent home from school today, we are in a constant battle at home to get her to do her chores, and she's started thinking it's ok to yell at us and talk back! Her notice about her punishment at school explained that she had responded to requests to do her work with, "I don't want to do my work!" and then she proceeded to poke the other students with pencils. I'd like to say I was shocked but it was typical Mylee behavior. When asked how she can avoid the punishments she immediately answers with, "do my work/chores." Then WHY ON EARTH DON'T YOU JUST MAKE IT EASY ON ALL OF US AND DO THAT!?!?! I realize this is attention seeking behavior. I get that, especially as a child in a family as big as ours, sometimes kids can feel left out. BUT, I make it a point to spend time with each child and talk to them and ask them what's up in their world. I am definitely not a get down on the floor and play or crawl around on the jungle gym type of mom, but I do my best to play games with them and generally show them I care, as does Bj. SO why why why does she insist on behaving in a way that gets her negative attention??? Is it a result of the divorce? Is it because her dad has really become an absent figure in her life after being such a huge part of it for so long? And if it is these things, why haven't the MANY talks and cries we've had about all of that done any good? I truly miss the ignorant days of being a new mom when I thought that my strict rules, my telling them to be good people, and my general awesomeness would enable me and my children to avoid most struggles and challenges. Good parenting is huge, but sometimes, shit just gets tough and you try everything and it's still fucking tough.
I can't decide if telling her that she's a "bad kid" was the worst mommy move ever, or possibly a kick in the butt for her to do better. She strives to be the best at everything, except behaving apparently. She truly wants to be awesome. And in many ways she is awesome. She doesn't steal, she doesn't hurt people, she doesn't bully people, but she refuses to listen to anyone or do anything she's supposed to. So, to me, she's intentionally behaving badly and that doesn't really scream "good kid." I know it's my job to instill confidence and self-respect in her, but isn't it also my job to teach her that good people do good things and bad people do bad things? That our choices are who we are and the consequences reflect that? That life is what you make it and bad choices and bad behavior will make it bad? How do I teach her that by telling her she's a great kid when she's really not behaving as a great kid? And for the love of pete, how the fuck do I get the kid to do a damn chore?! I did follow up with her after a few moments for both of us to calm down and explain to her that I know that she is very capable of being a great kid if she makes the choice to do so, that she's the only one who can make that choice, and that I will help her do that in any way I can. I told her that I am her mom, I am never giving up on her, I will love her with all of my heart forever no matter what, but her bad behavior makes me very sad. Hopefully, that makes the "bad kid" comment just a little less horrible. Or maybe I'm just justifying my bad behavior now. Why the hell didn't anyone tell me this mommy stuff was so damn hard???
Ugh, so this is my struggle today. And actually, most days lately. We'll get through it and I doubt she will be a serial killer or a bank robber, but I am still going to aim to guide her to become a successful, independent, happy adult, no matter how hard she fights me on it.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Empower them!
I have an opinion that I am going to share...shocking, right?! It is likely not going to be a popular one, but it's my blog and I do what I want. If you don't like it, feel free to share your views and comments and we can agree to disagree.
We hear so much these days about bullying with school-age children. It really is becoming such a problem in this entitled generation that is being raised. Kids are being raised to think that they can do no wrong, that they are the best at everything, and that other kids are less than themselves. There is nothing that the good parents can do about the choices of the bullies' parents. Nothing. We cannot legislate them to teach their kids respect nor can we legislate the children to suddenly relearn their self-image and their image of others. They have been raised to be mean, for whatever reason. No, we should not just give up on these children, but we should focus on our own children. What does a bully prey on? On another person's self-image. They make the other kids feel helpless, less than the bully, and unable to do anything about it. Why do we raise kids who allow this to happen? And this is where this will get tricky... No, I am not blaming the victim! I am really not. I am advocating for parents to teach their children that other kids' opinions of them are just that, irrelevant opinions! My kids are normal kids and tend to say mean things to each other at times. One will come tell me, "MOM! So-and-so just called me dumb!" My response is always, "Are you dumb?" The child will say no, of course. So I ask them, "then why does it matter? If you aren't dumb, the opinion is false and means nothing. If you were dumb, which you are certainly not, and didn't like that opinion of yourself, you could change it. But when someone calls you something it only hurts you as much as YOU let it." Of course, the other child is also dealt with accordingly, but they are learning that what other people say or think about them does not define them! That they are who they are and no one can change that.
Mylee is currently dealing with a difficult child at school. He was pulling on her backpack the other day and she told him that if he didn't stop her mom would come talk to him and he replied with a threat to have his dad come cut her head off with a knife. Ummmm, what?! We are talking about first graders here! Mom's first instinct? Go talk to the teacher, the principal, the head of the school district and the kid's parents!! Mom's actual reaction? Helping her deal with what he said, letting her know that he was coming from an ugly place and it is not her fault that he behaves this way, and guiding her to the proper avenues for handling the situation appropriately. She spoke to the principal first thing the next morning and things were dealt with. I could have coddled her, told her, "poor baby, mommy will save you, he's such a mean little boy." I could have helped her become the victim. Instead, I enabled her to handle the situation, stick up for herself, find a proper solution, and show the boy that she will not take his actions lightly.
I truly do not believe that my children will be bullies OR the victims of bullies. They are learning that they are no better or worse than any other person. That every person has worth and is special in their own way. They are being taught how unacceptable bullying is and not to allow it. We can't fight bullying by focusing only on the bullies. We need to empower our children to take charge of who they are and be confident in that and not allow others to change that or take that away from them!
We hear so much these days about bullying with school-age children. It really is becoming such a problem in this entitled generation that is being raised. Kids are being raised to think that they can do no wrong, that they are the best at everything, and that other kids are less than themselves. There is nothing that the good parents can do about the choices of the bullies' parents. Nothing. We cannot legislate them to teach their kids respect nor can we legislate the children to suddenly relearn their self-image and their image of others. They have been raised to be mean, for whatever reason. No, we should not just give up on these children, but we should focus on our own children. What does a bully prey on? On another person's self-image. They make the other kids feel helpless, less than the bully, and unable to do anything about it. Why do we raise kids who allow this to happen? And this is where this will get tricky... No, I am not blaming the victim! I am really not. I am advocating for parents to teach their children that other kids' opinions of them are just that, irrelevant opinions! My kids are normal kids and tend to say mean things to each other at times. One will come tell me, "MOM! So-and-so just called me dumb!" My response is always, "Are you dumb?" The child will say no, of course. So I ask them, "then why does it matter? If you aren't dumb, the opinion is false and means nothing. If you were dumb, which you are certainly not, and didn't like that opinion of yourself, you could change it. But when someone calls you something it only hurts you as much as YOU let it." Of course, the other child is also dealt with accordingly, but they are learning that what other people say or think about them does not define them! That they are who they are and no one can change that.
Mylee is currently dealing with a difficult child at school. He was pulling on her backpack the other day and she told him that if he didn't stop her mom would come talk to him and he replied with a threat to have his dad come cut her head off with a knife. Ummmm, what?! We are talking about first graders here! Mom's first instinct? Go talk to the teacher, the principal, the head of the school district and the kid's parents!! Mom's actual reaction? Helping her deal with what he said, letting her know that he was coming from an ugly place and it is not her fault that he behaves this way, and guiding her to the proper avenues for handling the situation appropriately. She spoke to the principal first thing the next morning and things were dealt with. I could have coddled her, told her, "poor baby, mommy will save you, he's such a mean little boy." I could have helped her become the victim. Instead, I enabled her to handle the situation, stick up for herself, find a proper solution, and show the boy that she will not take his actions lightly.
I truly do not believe that my children will be bullies OR the victims of bullies. They are learning that they are no better or worse than any other person. That every person has worth and is special in their own way. They are being taught how unacceptable bullying is and not to allow it. We can't fight bullying by focusing only on the bullies. We need to empower our children to take charge of who they are and be confident in that and not allow others to change that or take that away from them!
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Back to the real world!
I haven't blogged in over a month and it feels really good to be sitting in front of my computer to type out our crazy stories again! :) I would have probably been on here a lot in the last month, as it has been eventful, but we had no internet and I detest blogging on my phone.
We are all settled in St. George! It is WONDERFUL! I do miss being able to go outside in my underwear and not having to deal with the crazy people/drivers for sure, but the convenience of having a grocery store, doctor, and Jimmy John's right around the corner is worth putting pants on and yelling obscenities at the people who irritate me (which is actually most people these days :/ )! Our apartment is tiny and we only have one bathroom but we are making it work and it makes cleaning much faster and easier, so I can't complain about that! We have a pool right outside our door so we are all anxiously awaiting the warmer weather so we can swim! And it doesn't seem to be too far off! Yesterday it was in the 60s and I had the windows open throughout the house. I really love the weather here!
Bj is doing well in school. He's not super in love with it and just wants it to be over, but he's sticking with it and knows it's the best move for us at this point, which I admire so much! It's really hard to go to school, but it's even harder if you just don't want to be there. He's been doing pretty well on his quizzes and has good attendance so far. He's been a rockstar husband to me lately, as well. The poor man has a completely insane woman on his hands right now! For example, we always talk about not doing anything on Valentine's day because we agree that it really is a ridiculous holiday. We tell/show each other we are in love everyday, we don't need a special day to remind us to do this. Well this year that conversation ended with me saying, "But this year, that means I really want you to do something special for me..." He looked at me like I had totally lost my mind...and he's likely right! Poor guy! But he's being a trooper about it! And I think he plans to take me out shooting to celebrate Valentine's day...he's so great! :)
The kids are doing really well here! Hailey's teacher is so perfect for her! I couldn't have asked for a better teacher, seriously. The day we went in to meet the teachers we walked into Hailey's classroom and it is decorated all medieval with a cardboard castle built in the corner for the kids to read in, and knights and queens and swords and shields. Anyone who knows my little bookworm knows this could not fit her better. Needless to say, she was super excited to start and still loves going to school every day! Mylee's teacher is also pretty great for her. She has a good balance of making things fun while still keeping Mylee reigned in, so that is great! Mylee has had a bit of an issue with one of the boys in her class. He started telling her he loves her rather incessantly starting on her first day and continues to tease and pester her. She has talked to the teacher, principal, and counselor so far. I am trying very hard to allow her to handle this and guide her to the right venues to find a solution but it's tough to sit on the side lines! She's done great at standing up for herself so far and asking authority figures for help though, so I am just listening and guiding her...for now! Austin is dying to start kindergarten next year. He really cannot wait! And Colton has started walking/running and really seems to have developed mentally a lot just since we've moved here. They are all just doing really well!
The pregnancy is making me crazy, but going well. We easily heard the heartbeat at my last check up. I am now 16+ weeks, or 4 months. Not quite halfway done. I still have not had even a drag of a cigarette. Tomorrow will be 3 months exactly since my last cigarette and it's really not as difficult as I thought it would be. I don't really have any triggers that make me want one anymore and hardly ever have a craving for one. Bj has cut back and never smokes when he's home so that helps a lot, I think. I am calling this month the month of appointments! So far all of the kids have had dental check ups/cleanings, which all ended well with no cavities! Mylee will need braces (thanks a ton, Shane!), Hailey may need them, and the boys both look really good so far. I also had a dental check up recently and mine didn't go so well. I have enough work to do in my mouth that they split it up into three appointments next week. :( I have fillings on one side happening on Monday, the other side on Tuesday, and wisdom teeth being removed Thursday. I also need to have a prenatal check this month, Mylee's annual check up, an eye appointment for Colton, and my ultrasound! We are busy to say the least! We also have a few birthdays this month, including mine and Mylee's! I cannot believe she's going to be 7 already! All of these kids are growing up much too quickly for me! It's really so much fun to watch and be a part of and I couldn't be more proud of the awesome people they are becoming! :)
We are all settled in St. George! It is WONDERFUL! I do miss being able to go outside in my underwear and not having to deal with the crazy people/drivers for sure, but the convenience of having a grocery store, doctor, and Jimmy John's right around the corner is worth putting pants on and yelling obscenities at the people who irritate me (which is actually most people these days :/ )! Our apartment is tiny and we only have one bathroom but we are making it work and it makes cleaning much faster and easier, so I can't complain about that! We have a pool right outside our door so we are all anxiously awaiting the warmer weather so we can swim! And it doesn't seem to be too far off! Yesterday it was in the 60s and I had the windows open throughout the house. I really love the weather here!
Bj is doing well in school. He's not super in love with it and just wants it to be over, but he's sticking with it and knows it's the best move for us at this point, which I admire so much! It's really hard to go to school, but it's even harder if you just don't want to be there. He's been doing pretty well on his quizzes and has good attendance so far. He's been a rockstar husband to me lately, as well. The poor man has a completely insane woman on his hands right now! For example, we always talk about not doing anything on Valentine's day because we agree that it really is a ridiculous holiday. We tell/show each other we are in love everyday, we don't need a special day to remind us to do this. Well this year that conversation ended with me saying, "But this year, that means I really want you to do something special for me..." He looked at me like I had totally lost my mind...and he's likely right! Poor guy! But he's being a trooper about it! And I think he plans to take me out shooting to celebrate Valentine's day...he's so great! :)
The kids are doing really well here! Hailey's teacher is so perfect for her! I couldn't have asked for a better teacher, seriously. The day we went in to meet the teachers we walked into Hailey's classroom and it is decorated all medieval with a cardboard castle built in the corner for the kids to read in, and knights and queens and swords and shields. Anyone who knows my little bookworm knows this could not fit her better. Needless to say, she was super excited to start and still loves going to school every day! Mylee's teacher is also pretty great for her. She has a good balance of making things fun while still keeping Mylee reigned in, so that is great! Mylee has had a bit of an issue with one of the boys in her class. He started telling her he loves her rather incessantly starting on her first day and continues to tease and pester her. She has talked to the teacher, principal, and counselor so far. I am trying very hard to allow her to handle this and guide her to the right venues to find a solution but it's tough to sit on the side lines! She's done great at standing up for herself so far and asking authority figures for help though, so I am just listening and guiding her...for now! Austin is dying to start kindergarten next year. He really cannot wait! And Colton has started walking/running and really seems to have developed mentally a lot just since we've moved here. They are all just doing really well!
The pregnancy is making me crazy, but going well. We easily heard the heartbeat at my last check up. I am now 16+ weeks, or 4 months. Not quite halfway done. I still have not had even a drag of a cigarette. Tomorrow will be 3 months exactly since my last cigarette and it's really not as difficult as I thought it would be. I don't really have any triggers that make me want one anymore and hardly ever have a craving for one. Bj has cut back and never smokes when he's home so that helps a lot, I think. I am calling this month the month of appointments! So far all of the kids have had dental check ups/cleanings, which all ended well with no cavities! Mylee will need braces (thanks a ton, Shane!), Hailey may need them, and the boys both look really good so far. I also had a dental check up recently and mine didn't go so well. I have enough work to do in my mouth that they split it up into three appointments next week. :( I have fillings on one side happening on Monday, the other side on Tuesday, and wisdom teeth being removed Thursday. I also need to have a prenatal check this month, Mylee's annual check up, an eye appointment for Colton, and my ultrasound! We are busy to say the least! We also have a few birthdays this month, including mine and Mylee's! I cannot believe she's going to be 7 already! All of these kids are growing up much too quickly for me! It's really so much fun to watch and be a part of and I couldn't be more proud of the awesome people they are becoming! :)
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
My answer.
Why is there so much community blame going around for the horrible tragedy that happened last Friday? I have heard that it is due to taking God out of the schools, it's because we are accepting homosexual relationships, because we allow "assault rifles" to be sold to and owned by civilians. Why aren't parents being looked at a little closer?
While I agree that children have to be raised with a sense of right and wrong, I fully disagree that this must be done through church and God. I do not teach based on any religious beliefs and we do not go to church. My kids still know the difference between right and wrong. I am a good moral person raising children with morals and values and have never needed to put the fear of God into my children to do so. Saying that these things wouldn't happen if children were expected to pray in school every morning is just silly. Parents need to teach their kids right from wrong, with our without a belief in a higher power!
I can't even address the homosexual acceptance reasoning because this one will NEVER make any damn sense to me at all. I will use this opportunity to say that we are all human, we are all equal, and we should all have the same right to marital bliss (or misery, depending on how you do it). Who your neighbor marries will have no effect on your marriage at all, and if it does, you have far greater issues than who your neighbors are! I hate that such an important portion of our society is being discriminated against. I can't wait until our grandchildren look back on this time and think what a bunch of assholes we were for ever trying to discriminate based on something so ridiculous.
I am sick of hearing, "why do you need a rifle that will shoot so many bullets?" Ok, any rifle will shoot as many rounds through it as I put in it. These "assault rifles" are mechanically almost identical to any other rifle. They are not automatic weapons that shoot a hundred rounds with one pull of the trigger. The big difference between these rifles and your grandpa's deer hunting rifle is cosmetics. There are millions of people who own semi-automatic rifles that have never killed anyone. The second amendment was put in place to restrict the government from infringing on the right to bare arms. Please, explain to me how restricting the arms we can bare is not infringing. This isn't about the guns. This is about the individuals who committed these atrocious acts! You want to restrict something? How about we start testing and doing background checks for becoming a parent? We have so many children these days who are being raised by video games, not being supervised, not being taught! You want to ask me why I need a semi-automatic AR-15? Well, why the hell does your 8 year old need to be playing Call of Duty or Grand Theft Auto? Why are parents trying to be friends to their children instead of parents? Why are parents so afraid of recognizing an issue with their children and seeking the help that they need? Why aren't we setting boundaries and providing consistent consequences for actions? Children need to be taught about real life and parented and taught respect and responsibility. They need morals and values. I would be VERY interested to see how these killers were raised. Were they given boundaries and consistent consequences? Were they taught about the value of life? Were they "out of control" teens with mental issues that didn't receive the time, attention, and help they needed?
It doesn't matter what guns are restricted, it won't help. Sure, take away the guns that fire several rounds quickly. Automatic rifles are already illegal, didn't do as much good as you had hoped, did it? The next guy will just download plans for a home made bomb on the internet and blow up the entire school. IT IS GOING TO CONTINUE! The answer isn't taking away the means for the violence. It is parenting, raising kids who don't want to do these things, and recognizing mental issues before they get to this point and getting the help needed! Let's screen parents regarding values before they become parents. Let's offer a lot of parenting resources and education. Let's do mental screenings in high school like we do the SATs and get help for the children who need it! Don't get me wrong. I am about to have five children and the fact that I have five chances to completely screw up a child and send a mess of an adult out into the world scares the hell out of me. I will be the first to admit that I am FAR from the perfect parent, but I do believe that I am teaching them life lessons that need to be taught and I am involved with them enough that I will recognize an issue like this and get them help long before it ever gets to this point. The answer to these problems is good parenting and getting people the help that they need.
While I agree that children have to be raised with a sense of right and wrong, I fully disagree that this must be done through church and God. I do not teach based on any religious beliefs and we do not go to church. My kids still know the difference between right and wrong. I am a good moral person raising children with morals and values and have never needed to put the fear of God into my children to do so. Saying that these things wouldn't happen if children were expected to pray in school every morning is just silly. Parents need to teach their kids right from wrong, with our without a belief in a higher power!
I can't even address the homosexual acceptance reasoning because this one will NEVER make any damn sense to me at all. I will use this opportunity to say that we are all human, we are all equal, and we should all have the same right to marital bliss (or misery, depending on how you do it). Who your neighbor marries will have no effect on your marriage at all, and if it does, you have far greater issues than who your neighbors are! I hate that such an important portion of our society is being discriminated against. I can't wait until our grandchildren look back on this time and think what a bunch of assholes we were for ever trying to discriminate based on something so ridiculous.
I am sick of hearing, "why do you need a rifle that will shoot so many bullets?" Ok, any rifle will shoot as many rounds through it as I put in it. These "assault rifles" are mechanically almost identical to any other rifle. They are not automatic weapons that shoot a hundred rounds with one pull of the trigger. The big difference between these rifles and your grandpa's deer hunting rifle is cosmetics. There are millions of people who own semi-automatic rifles that have never killed anyone. The second amendment was put in place to restrict the government from infringing on the right to bare arms. Please, explain to me how restricting the arms we can bare is not infringing. This isn't about the guns. This is about the individuals who committed these atrocious acts! You want to restrict something? How about we start testing and doing background checks for becoming a parent? We have so many children these days who are being raised by video games, not being supervised, not being taught! You want to ask me why I need a semi-automatic AR-15? Well, why the hell does your 8 year old need to be playing Call of Duty or Grand Theft Auto? Why are parents trying to be friends to their children instead of parents? Why are parents so afraid of recognizing an issue with their children and seeking the help that they need? Why aren't we setting boundaries and providing consistent consequences for actions? Children need to be taught about real life and parented and taught respect and responsibility. They need morals and values. I would be VERY interested to see how these killers were raised. Were they given boundaries and consistent consequences? Were they taught about the value of life? Were they "out of control" teens with mental issues that didn't receive the time, attention, and help they needed?
It doesn't matter what guns are restricted, it won't help. Sure, take away the guns that fire several rounds quickly. Automatic rifles are already illegal, didn't do as much good as you had hoped, did it? The next guy will just download plans for a home made bomb on the internet and blow up the entire school. IT IS GOING TO CONTINUE! The answer isn't taking away the means for the violence. It is parenting, raising kids who don't want to do these things, and recognizing mental issues before they get to this point and getting the help needed! Let's screen parents regarding values before they become parents. Let's offer a lot of parenting resources and education. Let's do mental screenings in high school like we do the SATs and get help for the children who need it! Don't get me wrong. I am about to have five children and the fact that I have five chances to completely screw up a child and send a mess of an adult out into the world scares the hell out of me. I will be the first to admit that I am FAR from the perfect parent, but I do believe that I am teaching them life lessons that need to be taught and I am involved with them enough that I will recognize an issue like this and get them help long before it ever gets to this point. The answer to these problems is good parenting and getting people the help that they need.
9 weeks, 7 weeks, 1 year...
I am 9 weeks pregnant! I have not smoked at all, not even a drag while Bj was home, for 7 weeks! My baby is 1 year old!! I feel like time is just flying by. We have so much going on right now and I feel like just yesterday I was thinking, "I have a whole month to pack and get ready to move!" Now I am sitting here with more like 13 days and have done pretty much nothing! Whoops. With Bj being gone, 4 kids to keep up with, trips to town every time I need something, fatigue from the pregnancy, stress about getting this place back to the condition it was in when we moved in here, and finding a place to live next month, I have been a bit overwhelmed!
We finally found a place to live next month while Bj was home. It is a very, very small upstairs apartment unit. There are three bedrooms and one bath so it's a little better than what we've got going on now since we've only been using two bedrooms here. The complex has a pool which is right outside our door and a really nice park right down the road that I'm sure the boys and I will walk to as often as possible. My doctor's office is half a mile away so I could walk there when it's nice out, which is very nice. There is a grocery store which is also about half a mile away. I am not going to know what to do when I don't have to plan an entire day around a trip to the store! It'll be amazing! The rent is on the more affordable side of what we had budgeted so that is great! We paid a little extra to be able to start to move in on the 26th and the goal is to be able to wake up in our new place on New Year's morning! Overall, we know it's going to be tough with the limited space but we are very excited to get moved in and start this next chapter. As we've said to ourselves many times, it's only for a year and we can do anything for a year!
Yesterday was my little man's first birthday! This last year was crazy and went by so fast. Colton is such a fun, happy, easy little guy. He makes having a baby so simple! His brother and sisters told him happy birthday about 100 times yesterday, and even though he had no clue what was going on, I think he knew that he was a big deal. We did cupcakes for him on Sunday. I didn't make a super huge deal about it because, let's face it, a one-year old doesn't remember, nor care about, his birthday!
We are trying a new discipline/coping method with Mylee these days. She is such a sweet, amazing little girl, but she's also angry and sad about her dad and I getting divorced. She loves Bj and knows that her dad and I weren't good for each other, but still misses Shane so much that she wishes we would get back together. She takes all of this anger out on me because she doesn't get the chance to be angry with her dad due to his almost complete lack of involvement. This anger is expressed by her not doing her chores, yelling at me, having an attitude with me or her siblings, intentionally acting out, etc. I cannot continue to be punished by my 6 year old! She really enjoys writing these days so I got her a "time-out journal." I picked out a journal at Barnes and Nobles with a Footprints poem theme. I have been in love with that poem since the first time I read it, my mom used to buy me things with it printed on them, and Mylee has decided that, regardless of what anyone else thinks, she believes in God (which I think is incredible!), so it seemed fitting. She gets the journal when I can tell that she is struggling with feelings and she is to write me a letter in it to express how she feels and I will respond and we will try to work through her feelings in a productive way. We have done it once and right away she seemed to be feeling better so I am hoping it continues to help her!
The kids all have a Christmas program tomorrow night that they are SO excited about! Bj and I got them all new dress clothes for it and Austin is thrilled to wear his suit and "bow-tie" (it's just a regular tie but, try to convince him of that!) Hailey has two parts in the play so she is very excited and very sad that Bj won't be there. I probably better make sure to remember the camera!
We definitely have a very busy couple weeks ahead of us! My first appointment is Thursday, Bj should be home by the weekend, then it's Christmas, then we start moving! I probably better start collecting boxes and packing! Oh yeah, and our dryer is broken so I have to find a way to do all of our laundry in the meantime! Like they say, when it rains it pours. I am just glad that I am resilient and I can adjust to whatever life throws at me and make it work! I hope everyone has a wonderful, merry Christmas!!
We finally found a place to live next month while Bj was home. It is a very, very small upstairs apartment unit. There are three bedrooms and one bath so it's a little better than what we've got going on now since we've only been using two bedrooms here. The complex has a pool which is right outside our door and a really nice park right down the road that I'm sure the boys and I will walk to as often as possible. My doctor's office is half a mile away so I could walk there when it's nice out, which is very nice. There is a grocery store which is also about half a mile away. I am not going to know what to do when I don't have to plan an entire day around a trip to the store! It'll be amazing! The rent is on the more affordable side of what we had budgeted so that is great! We paid a little extra to be able to start to move in on the 26th and the goal is to be able to wake up in our new place on New Year's morning! Overall, we know it's going to be tough with the limited space but we are very excited to get moved in and start this next chapter. As we've said to ourselves many times, it's only for a year and we can do anything for a year!
Yesterday was my little man's first birthday! This last year was crazy and went by so fast. Colton is such a fun, happy, easy little guy. He makes having a baby so simple! His brother and sisters told him happy birthday about 100 times yesterday, and even though he had no clue what was going on, I think he knew that he was a big deal. We did cupcakes for him on Sunday. I didn't make a super huge deal about it because, let's face it, a one-year old doesn't remember, nor care about, his birthday!
We are trying a new discipline/coping method with Mylee these days. She is such a sweet, amazing little girl, but she's also angry and sad about her dad and I getting divorced. She loves Bj and knows that her dad and I weren't good for each other, but still misses Shane so much that she wishes we would get back together. She takes all of this anger out on me because she doesn't get the chance to be angry with her dad due to his almost complete lack of involvement. This anger is expressed by her not doing her chores, yelling at me, having an attitude with me or her siblings, intentionally acting out, etc. I cannot continue to be punished by my 6 year old! She really enjoys writing these days so I got her a "time-out journal." I picked out a journal at Barnes and Nobles with a Footprints poem theme. I have been in love with that poem since the first time I read it, my mom used to buy me things with it printed on them, and Mylee has decided that, regardless of what anyone else thinks, she believes in God (which I think is incredible!), so it seemed fitting. She gets the journal when I can tell that she is struggling with feelings and she is to write me a letter in it to express how she feels and I will respond and we will try to work through her feelings in a productive way. We have done it once and right away she seemed to be feeling better so I am hoping it continues to help her!
The kids all have a Christmas program tomorrow night that they are SO excited about! Bj and I got them all new dress clothes for it and Austin is thrilled to wear his suit and "bow-tie" (it's just a regular tie but, try to convince him of that!) Hailey has two parts in the play so she is very excited and very sad that Bj won't be there. I probably better make sure to remember the camera!
We definitely have a very busy couple weeks ahead of us! My first appointment is Thursday, Bj should be home by the weekend, then it's Christmas, then we start moving! I probably better start collecting boxes and packing! Oh yeah, and our dryer is broken so I have to find a way to do all of our laundry in the meantime! Like they say, when it rains it pours. I am just glad that I am resilient and I can adjust to whatever life throws at me and make it work! I hope everyone has a wonderful, merry Christmas!!
Sunday, December 9, 2012
2 years already!?
On this day 2 years ago, I met my best friend and the love of my life! I had just moved back to Utah after living in Minnesota and Texas for about 7 years and was separating from my husband at the time. When my ex-husband and I separated in November 2010, I told my dear friend that my next boyfriend would have to drive a big Chevy truck, drink Bud Light, and love to hunt, shoot guns, and be outdoors (the exact opposite of my ex-husband). He said, "well, let me give you Bj's number, he fits that description." I let him give Bj my number and he text me that night, November 19. At first, I wanted nothing to do with Bj. I was still pretty confused about my marriage and separation and moving and all the big changes that were happening for myself and my kids. My friend, Ali, was visiting me in Texas the night he and I started talking and I remember telling her, "Oh wow, this guy is ridiculous!" (to be fair, he was drinking and that does make him a bit ridiculous) I didn't text him or reply to his texts much after that but it didn't stop him from texting me every morning to say good morning and most evenings to ask how my day was. The kids and I moved from Texas to Utah around December 1st and he was still texting me daily and pretty much getting brushed off. He was persistent, that's for sure! One night I was talking to our friend, Zac, who spent a lot of time with Bj and asked him what Bj was doing and he said that he was hanging out with his "girlfriend." This obviously irritated me quite a bit, enough to peak my interest, if for no other reason than to call him out for being a jerk! So the next morning I asked him how his night with his girlfriend was and he denied having one and was very adamant that she was just his friend. I started to give him a hard time about it which led to more texting than usual and actual conversations between us. I found out that he was actually kinda charming and interesting. We ended up talking on the phone a few times and decided that we should meet. I arranged for my parents to watch the kids and came down for the night to hang out with him and Zac. All the way here I was so nervous. I just kept thinking, "what if he doesn't like me?" and "what if I can't stand him?" along with about a million other things that someone headed for, basically, a blind date probably thinks! When I got to town I was supposed to call him so he could meet me and lead me to his house but of course my phone didn't get service in the middle of no where so I had to call him from the tire shop. I called him and he met me about 10 minutes later. It was probably the longest 10 minutes ever! As soon as he pulled up and got out of his truck I knew I was in big trouble! I can still remember what he was wearing: wranglers, boots, an old grey high school hoodie, and a hat. He was pretty muddy from working on the farm and I just remember thinking, "aaaw! He didn't shower or change or anything before he came up here! Now that's a real man and he's not trying to hide who he is!"
We met up with Zac and he and I headed to town and Bj was going to meet us after he got his paycheck. We headed to Chili's to wait for Bj and I was so scared that he would sit by Zac once he got there (completely silly girl shit, I know). Luckily, I must be a little better looking than Zac because he slid into the booth next to me, still wearing the muddy clothes! Yay! I could tell he was nervous too and it was so damn adorable! He bought my dinner then we talked Zac into driving my van back to Bj's house so we could ride together in his truck. He needed some new boots so we headed to the store to shop. He seriously put his boot on the wrong foot when trying them on! His face turned bright red and again, he was just so damn adorable! He finally found the pair he liked and we headed to the gas station to get a few beers. We headed to his house, which was about an hour trip and we talked the whole way about past relationships, what we wanted out of life, what we expected in a relationship, and I seriously knew I was going to fall in love with him!
That was the beginning of what has, so far, been the greatest chapter of my life story. We are now raising 4, almost 5, babies together and I am amazed at how wonderful and easy a relationship can be. We get irritated with each other, we say things we don't mean at times, but we always work through it. We've seriously been through a lot, but every time we face a challenge together, we come out of it stronger as a couple. I cannot imagine a more amazing father, husband, and best friend! I am seriously the luckiest woman in the world! These two years have been awesome and I love looking forward to the rest of my life with him!
We met up with Zac and he and I headed to town and Bj was going to meet us after he got his paycheck. We headed to Chili's to wait for Bj and I was so scared that he would sit by Zac once he got there (completely silly girl shit, I know). Luckily, I must be a little better looking than Zac because he slid into the booth next to me, still wearing the muddy clothes! Yay! I could tell he was nervous too and it was so damn adorable! He bought my dinner then we talked Zac into driving my van back to Bj's house so we could ride together in his truck. He needed some new boots so we headed to the store to shop. He seriously put his boot on the wrong foot when trying them on! His face turned bright red and again, he was just so damn adorable! He finally found the pair he liked and we headed to the gas station to get a few beers. We headed to his house, which was about an hour trip and we talked the whole way about past relationships, what we wanted out of life, what we expected in a relationship, and I seriously knew I was going to fall in love with him!
That was the beginning of what has, so far, been the greatest chapter of my life story. We are now raising 4, almost 5, babies together and I am amazed at how wonderful and easy a relationship can be. We get irritated with each other, we say things we don't mean at times, but we always work through it. We've seriously been through a lot, but every time we face a challenge together, we come out of it stronger as a couple. I cannot imagine a more amazing father, husband, and best friend! I am seriously the luckiest woman in the world! These two years have been awesome and I love looking forward to the rest of my life with him!
Thursday, December 6, 2012
We are not going to die!
I keep reminding myself that we are not going to die. Oh, we can't pay the electric bill on time? It's ok, we'll figure it out and we're not going to die. Shit, I have no gas! It's ok, we'll figure it out and we're not going to die! So, the kids are being hellions today and I'm exhausted? Put on some cartoons and rest on the couch, because for sure, we're not going to die from it! I get myself so stressed out and worked up about everything: the kids being dressed well, the dishes being done, the floors being mopped, the balance in the checking account, etc. Sometimes I forget that these things are important but they are not life or death. I also forget that things always work out in the end. Hailey and I have had so many rough mornings due to her fashion choices on school days. I have no idea what goes on in her head sometimes but she dresses funny in my opinion and I get so worked up about it! I forget that I need to let go of control and let her find herself and her style and if she feels comfortable in the outfit she chose, who am I to tell her she shouldn't wear it (modesty expected and not negotiated on, of course)? Don't we all have elementary school pictures that we look at and say, "Did my parents really let me out of the house in THAT!?" It's part of her process of growing and finding herself and I hate that I get so worked up about it and try to change that part of her. I am 100% sure none of us is going to die from it! The housework gets done sporadically, the house is not disgusting, we are not headed for any of the nasty-house reality shows, the kids have clean clothes and the dishes get done when it becomes necessary and we are not going to die if the house is not immaculately cleaned! We have food on the table and bills get paid before anything necessary gets shut off or is repossessed, we are NOT GOING TO DIE! I spend so much time thinking about, stressing about, and getting worked up about all of this stuff and it's so pointless. The solution always reveals itself in time and never has stressing about it been beneficial to me. So, my thought for the day is "we are not going to die!" I am going to go play with my kids and let the house be a mess and the bank account be overdrawn and the kids be dirty. Who cares? The kids are all healthy and happy and we'll all live!!
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