I'm back! Blogging...what is blogging?! It's been so long I can hardly remember! As of 11 a.m. today I am a stay at home mom again, so *maybe* I will be able to find time for this. Even if no one else cares about what I have to say, it's nice to look back on these!
So...SAHM v. Working mom...sorry to all the SAHMs that I know, but working when you have kids is harder than staying home. I have done both and this is my verdict. I have worked for the last year, both full and part time, mornings, evenings, days...I've tried it all. It sucked. It sucked for me, it sucked for my husband, and most importantly it sucked for my kids. I finally decided I was done when my 10 year old informed me that she would rather have her mom home than have presents under the Christmas tree.
In my experience, the worst part about working was finding child care...and affording that care...then TRUSTING that care. I can say I had some wonderful people watch my children. They were in good hands and safe and even loved (most of the time, we had the few assholes that didn't last long)...but it isn't the same. My kids need me. I know them like no one else does. I understand that when Mylee has a meltdown over being asked to do the dishes, she is likely tired. I know that when Austin spends some time alone in his room he probably just needs a hug and to be told that he's loved. I know that when Hailey gets in one of her moods, it is best to just let her have some time, then go talk to her about what's going on, then give her more time. I know that telling Colton "no" is going to result in a major temper tantrum/meltdown these days and it's best to ignore it and he will snap out of it in no time. I know them! I can handle them better than anyone else in this world! And for those times that I don't handle them just right, I know I will be forgiven easier than most because I am mom. Basically, my kids need me to raise them and knowing that I wasn't able to do that was killing me.
Another part that was much more difficult was time. I never had enough time...no time to pay bills, no time to sleep, no time to enjoy bedtime with the kids, no time to spend with my husband, no time for me. I was always working and trying to juggle everything else. I'm not saying that a working mother cannot do all of those things (I did...kinda...for a year) but it really is so much harder! I kept thinking that I would get used to it, we'd find a routine, I'd manage my housework better...nope. It always sucked and it was always hard. My house has always been a bit messy but when I was working it was literally destroyed! We lost our first rental deposit in our last place because I just could not keep up with everything and it was just bad (also, because the landlords were a little crazy, but that's another story). And school events?! I don't even know where to start! Telling a 6 year old that no one will be at his program at school that he's worked so hard to learn and remember and then seeing that hurt in his eyes when he says, "It's okay," and you just know that it is most definitely not okay...there is no amount of money in the world to make up for that!
But what about the money?! How will we survive financially without it?! Well...without going into too much detail about our financial situation...we will be fine. Upon looking at our current situation, we found that my income was being spent on, well, nothing important...except daycare...which really makes zero sense! I'd rather live without some of the extras we've had lately than to work my life away and neglect my kids for them. I was never as stressed out over anything when I was a SAHM, money included, as I have been by most everything since I started working! And honestly, with the job market in the town we live in, my almost minimum wage, part time jobs weren't really making us rich!
So, the point of all of this is that I am thrilled to be able to stay home with my kids...to know that they are being loved and taken care of by their mom, to be here when my husband gets home from work and here to kiss him when he leaves, to be sure the kids do their chores and homework and brush their teeth before school and bed, and to have time to handle household responsibilities that I have slacked on for the last year. I am also extremely excited that I will only have to put on pants and a bra on the rare occasions that I have to actually leave my house!
*Disclaimer: These are my feelings and opinions based on my situation and experiences! I don't care what anyone else does. If you want to work, more power to ya! If you stay home with your kids, awesome!
Friday, November 28, 2014
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Life with five!
It's been a while since I've blogged...again. I should do it more often, it's therapeutic for sure, but who has the time? Not this girl.
Maci is now 3.5 months old and life is hectic to say the least! We are getting ready to move in just a week now, we get the keys to the new place next Friday! I am in school full-time and finished my last two classes with 96% and 97% and jumped right into new classes the next day. I feel like a damn school bus Monday through Friday. I drive round-trip to the school three times a day! That's three times of putting Maci in her carseat and taking her out of it, three times up and down the stairs with two-five kids trying to herd them into the car and into their seatbelts and usually three of Maci's naps interrupted. I am not in love with half-day kindergarten at all. Then, on Fridays the kids get out early. So I get to do all three trips between 9:00 and 1:15. So much for any type of schedule for the little ones! Hailey has started volleyball recently as well so that means taking five kids to sit through hour long practices. They do not love it. On top of all of this, people are coming randomly to look at the place we live in now to see about renting it once we move so I am under pressure to keep it pretty clean at all times....and pack our stuff.
Bj got a job and he's still going to school full-time so Monday through Saturday he is gone pretty much all day. I am super proud of him for getting a job that he loves and still being so dedicated to school. I could not have found a more amazing man for myself and these kids. But it sucks. I miss his help. Trying to wrangle five kids in the grocery store by myself has been an absolute adventure at times. Just making dinner is an adventure most nights. Our precious Maci is pretty insistent on being held constantly so I either hold her and cook or turn the radio on loud enough to drown out the crying when I know she's had everything she needs. The bigger kids typically do homework while I cook dinner so Colton gets put in his booster seat at the table to do whatever. It is seriously like a damn zoo at my house. I am fortunate that my kids are super independent and get themselves ready for bed and school (the older ones anyway) so those times aren't too chaotic. I have released total responsibility of their homework to the kids so if they get it turned in, yay for them! If not, oh well, guess they'll learn next time. They have all been really good at it so far!
I think the biggest struggle I have right now is myself. I looked in the mirror yesterday and I don't even recognize myself. I used to be this cute, skinny, fun, crazy, party-girl who never left the house without makeup, hair done, and cute clothes! Now, I am a fat, not-so-cute, grumpy, tired, stressed lady who showers every 2-3 days, wears pajamas to the store, and would much rather get a baby sitter to take a nap than go have a beer. I miss me. And yes, this is where I should insert some shit about how amazing my kids are and how it's all worth it because they are the best thing that's ever happened to me, but I won't. That's not how I feel right now. Don't get me wrong, my kids are awesome. They are also little energy suckers. I can literally feel them sucking the sanity from me on a daily basis. Every time I express how I feel about myself I get some asshat telling me, "so go work out," or, "just make time for yourself." Yeah, fucking great advice. When?? At 4 a.m. before Maci wakes up for the third time in the night? At 8 p.m. when Bj gets home and dinner is all done and I am so fucking exhausted I can barely see straight but have to pull it together because I have homework to do? Or when Austin is at school and it is time for the younger two to nap? Yeah, I'd LOVE to go to the gym. As soon as I find a spare five minutes in my day, I'll be sure to figure out how I can do that. Maybe one of these days I'll also find time for a shower. Yes, I chose to have five kids. And I love them so much. I do not love me anymore, however. Hell, I don't even know me anymore and that is the part that I struggle with on a daily basis. Having five kids is fucking hard. Who would have guessed.
The good news is I finally feel like we are living again. After 9 months of VERY minimal income Bj finally has a job and we got a new vehicle, got a new place to live with much more space for all of us, and we even have new cell phones on the way. Hopefully this will make things a bit easier, less hectic, less stressful, or just somehow better in some way. So yeah, life with five is...interesting. I wouldn't trade any one of them for the world, though.
Maci is now 3.5 months old and life is hectic to say the least! We are getting ready to move in just a week now, we get the keys to the new place next Friday! I am in school full-time and finished my last two classes with 96% and 97% and jumped right into new classes the next day. I feel like a damn school bus Monday through Friday. I drive round-trip to the school three times a day! That's three times of putting Maci in her carseat and taking her out of it, three times up and down the stairs with two-five kids trying to herd them into the car and into their seatbelts and usually three of Maci's naps interrupted. I am not in love with half-day kindergarten at all. Then, on Fridays the kids get out early. So I get to do all three trips between 9:00 and 1:15. So much for any type of schedule for the little ones! Hailey has started volleyball recently as well so that means taking five kids to sit through hour long practices. They do not love it. On top of all of this, people are coming randomly to look at the place we live in now to see about renting it once we move so I am under pressure to keep it pretty clean at all times....and pack our stuff.
Bj got a job and he's still going to school full-time so Monday through Saturday he is gone pretty much all day. I am super proud of him for getting a job that he loves and still being so dedicated to school. I could not have found a more amazing man for myself and these kids. But it sucks. I miss his help. Trying to wrangle five kids in the grocery store by myself has been an absolute adventure at times. Just making dinner is an adventure most nights. Our precious Maci is pretty insistent on being held constantly so I either hold her and cook or turn the radio on loud enough to drown out the crying when I know she's had everything she needs. The bigger kids typically do homework while I cook dinner so Colton gets put in his booster seat at the table to do whatever. It is seriously like a damn zoo at my house. I am fortunate that my kids are super independent and get themselves ready for bed and school (the older ones anyway) so those times aren't too chaotic. I have released total responsibility of their homework to the kids so if they get it turned in, yay for them! If not, oh well, guess they'll learn next time. They have all been really good at it so far!
I think the biggest struggle I have right now is myself. I looked in the mirror yesterday and I don't even recognize myself. I used to be this cute, skinny, fun, crazy, party-girl who never left the house without makeup, hair done, and cute clothes! Now, I am a fat, not-so-cute, grumpy, tired, stressed lady who showers every 2-3 days, wears pajamas to the store, and would much rather get a baby sitter to take a nap than go have a beer. I miss me. And yes, this is where I should insert some shit about how amazing my kids are and how it's all worth it because they are the best thing that's ever happened to me, but I won't. That's not how I feel right now. Don't get me wrong, my kids are awesome. They are also little energy suckers. I can literally feel them sucking the sanity from me on a daily basis. Every time I express how I feel about myself I get some asshat telling me, "so go work out," or, "just make time for yourself." Yeah, fucking great advice. When?? At 4 a.m. before Maci wakes up for the third time in the night? At 8 p.m. when Bj gets home and dinner is all done and I am so fucking exhausted I can barely see straight but have to pull it together because I have homework to do? Or when Austin is at school and it is time for the younger two to nap? Yeah, I'd LOVE to go to the gym. As soon as I find a spare five minutes in my day, I'll be sure to figure out how I can do that. Maybe one of these days I'll also find time for a shower. Yes, I chose to have five kids. And I love them so much. I do not love me anymore, however. Hell, I don't even know me anymore and that is the part that I struggle with on a daily basis. Having five kids is fucking hard. Who would have guessed.
The good news is I finally feel like we are living again. After 9 months of VERY minimal income Bj finally has a job and we got a new vehicle, got a new place to live with much more space for all of us, and we even have new cell phones on the way. Hopefully this will make things a bit easier, less hectic, less stressful, or just somehow better in some way. So yeah, life with five is...interesting. I wouldn't trade any one of them for the world, though.
Friday, May 3, 2013
Another catch up!
I seem to be horrible about updating this damn thing. I guess it's time for an entry!
Life is pretty good these days! We are coming up on the end of the school year for the girls and Bj is almost done with his second session of classes! Bring on summer vacation! Mylee just finished her soccer "season" (it was literally like 4 weeks, not a season in my opinion!) and she had a great time. Bj is a great coach and all the girls on his team really had fun and they all said that they will definitely play soccer again. They lost every game except the last when they were finally able to tie with the other team for a score of 3-3. They were pretty pumped about that! Austin's soccer is not so much teams and games as little practices that help him learn the basics of soccer. He's not thrilled about this and gets bored halfway through, but he's learning and doing pretty good when I can keep him focused. His last session is tomorrow. Hailey started softball this week with a practice on Tuesday and a game last night. I am quite impressed with her skills! She's doing really well and says she likes softball even more than soccer. She has a game every Thursday night until June 20 and she is really excited about it! And Colton just loves to go to all the games and practices and run around and clap and cheer for whoever is playing! Hailey and Mylee both had big tests this last week. We don't know all of the scores yet, but Hailey scored 100% on the language arts portion. She was 1 of 2 kids in her class to get a perfect score. I am extremely proud, but certainly not surprised! Shane has been calling on a preset schedule so the kids talk to him for about an hour four nights a week which has been great! The attitudes are definitely reduced! So, all the kids are doing really well! I need to get a system under control for chores and accountability for them, but my lack of sticking to that is really the biggest problem. If I get a system in place, I know the kids will follow it for the most part, so I will be working hard on that for the next few weeks to get something in place that works for everyone.
Things are getting pretty tough financially so we are ready to take the step for Bj to get a job. I have had a couple interviews and both went really well, but I can't see starting a job when I'm 7 months pregnant that involves quite a bit of physical strain just to take maternity leave in a few weeks. We are strongly considering the possibility of Bj cutting back his classes to half-time in order for him to be able to work full-time and still be able to get his degree. Unfortunately, this would keep us in St George a year longer than planned or expected, but we'd rather do things right and have him accomplish his goal than to stress unnecessarily or have him give up on school altogether. Of course, nothing is decided for sure, this is just something that we realized that we need to consider. No matter what we decide, we will be just fine and we (with the help of others that have been helpful and supportive!) will make sure that these kids have everything they need and even some of the things they want!
This pregnancy crap is so overrated. I know, I know, I am a lucky woman and there are women out there who would give anything to experience this miracle...I am certainly not trying to be insensitive. But, I freaking hate it. Yes, the end result is awesome and totally worth it, but no one is ever going to claim to love all this crap! My pubic bone hurts every time I move, the round ligament pain with this one doubles me over and puts me into tears at times, my boobs are KILLING me, I am swollen, the heartburn is raging, I can't sleep well due to restless leg syndrome, and I am generally irritable and bitchy most days. The fun part though is she is starting to get pretty wild in there and the kids can see her moving my belly! It's become an event for everyone to gather around my belly and poke at Maci and play with her! Thankfully, we are most likely into single digits for the weeks left. I usually deliver 2-3 weeks early so that means we have about 8-9 weeks left! We just need to get a playpen with bassinet and we are all ready for her. Thanks to my amazing friend, Ali, for outfitting her for the first few months! She won't be wearing blue everyday! We are all very excited to meet her!
Life is pretty good these days! We are coming up on the end of the school year for the girls and Bj is almost done with his second session of classes! Bring on summer vacation! Mylee just finished her soccer "season" (it was literally like 4 weeks, not a season in my opinion!) and she had a great time. Bj is a great coach and all the girls on his team really had fun and they all said that they will definitely play soccer again. They lost every game except the last when they were finally able to tie with the other team for a score of 3-3. They were pretty pumped about that! Austin's soccer is not so much teams and games as little practices that help him learn the basics of soccer. He's not thrilled about this and gets bored halfway through, but he's learning and doing pretty good when I can keep him focused. His last session is tomorrow. Hailey started softball this week with a practice on Tuesday and a game last night. I am quite impressed with her skills! She's doing really well and says she likes softball even more than soccer. She has a game every Thursday night until June 20 and she is really excited about it! And Colton just loves to go to all the games and practices and run around and clap and cheer for whoever is playing! Hailey and Mylee both had big tests this last week. We don't know all of the scores yet, but Hailey scored 100% on the language arts portion. She was 1 of 2 kids in her class to get a perfect score. I am extremely proud, but certainly not surprised! Shane has been calling on a preset schedule so the kids talk to him for about an hour four nights a week which has been great! The attitudes are definitely reduced! So, all the kids are doing really well! I need to get a system under control for chores and accountability for them, but my lack of sticking to that is really the biggest problem. If I get a system in place, I know the kids will follow it for the most part, so I will be working hard on that for the next few weeks to get something in place that works for everyone.
Things are getting pretty tough financially so we are ready to take the step for Bj to get a job. I have had a couple interviews and both went really well, but I can't see starting a job when I'm 7 months pregnant that involves quite a bit of physical strain just to take maternity leave in a few weeks. We are strongly considering the possibility of Bj cutting back his classes to half-time in order for him to be able to work full-time and still be able to get his degree. Unfortunately, this would keep us in St George a year longer than planned or expected, but we'd rather do things right and have him accomplish his goal than to stress unnecessarily or have him give up on school altogether. Of course, nothing is decided for sure, this is just something that we realized that we need to consider. No matter what we decide, we will be just fine and we (with the help of others that have been helpful and supportive!) will make sure that these kids have everything they need and even some of the things they want!
This pregnancy crap is so overrated. I know, I know, I am a lucky woman and there are women out there who would give anything to experience this miracle...I am certainly not trying to be insensitive. But, I freaking hate it. Yes, the end result is awesome and totally worth it, but no one is ever going to claim to love all this crap! My pubic bone hurts every time I move, the round ligament pain with this one doubles me over and puts me into tears at times, my boobs are KILLING me, I am swollen, the heartburn is raging, I can't sleep well due to restless leg syndrome, and I am generally irritable and bitchy most days. The fun part though is she is starting to get pretty wild in there and the kids can see her moving my belly! It's become an event for everyone to gather around my belly and poke at Maci and play with her! Thankfully, we are most likely into single digits for the weeks left. I usually deliver 2-3 weeks early so that means we have about 8-9 weeks left! We just need to get a playpen with bassinet and we are all ready for her. Thanks to my amazing friend, Ali, for outfitting her for the first few months! She won't be wearing blue everyday! We are all very excited to meet her!
Thursday, March 21, 2013
"You are a bad kid!"
Five words I NEVER imagined saying to ANY of my kids. Ever. They were said, or more accurately, yelled tonight at Mylee. I know we shouldn't say things we don't mean out of anger and we shouldn't talk to them when we are very angry...instead we should take a minute to calm down and gather our thoughts. Whoever had this idea never dealt with Mylee. My mini-me is insanely smart, capable, and truly an amazing person. However, when she wants to be naughty, she's amazing at that as well. She got her second "think-time" notice sent home from school today, we are in a constant battle at home to get her to do her chores, and she's started thinking it's ok to yell at us and talk back! Her notice about her punishment at school explained that she had responded to requests to do her work with, "I don't want to do my work!" and then she proceeded to poke the other students with pencils. I'd like to say I was shocked but it was typical Mylee behavior. When asked how she can avoid the punishments she immediately answers with, "do my work/chores." Then WHY ON EARTH DON'T YOU JUST MAKE IT EASY ON ALL OF US AND DO THAT!?!?! I realize this is attention seeking behavior. I get that, especially as a child in a family as big as ours, sometimes kids can feel left out. BUT, I make it a point to spend time with each child and talk to them and ask them what's up in their world. I am definitely not a get down on the floor and play or crawl around on the jungle gym type of mom, but I do my best to play games with them and generally show them I care, as does Bj. SO why why why does she insist on behaving in a way that gets her negative attention??? Is it a result of the divorce? Is it because her dad has really become an absent figure in her life after being such a huge part of it for so long? And if it is these things, why haven't the MANY talks and cries we've had about all of that done any good? I truly miss the ignorant days of being a new mom when I thought that my strict rules, my telling them to be good people, and my general awesomeness would enable me and my children to avoid most struggles and challenges. Good parenting is huge, but sometimes, shit just gets tough and you try everything and it's still fucking tough.
I can't decide if telling her that she's a "bad kid" was the worst mommy move ever, or possibly a kick in the butt for her to do better. She strives to be the best at everything, except behaving apparently. She truly wants to be awesome. And in many ways she is awesome. She doesn't steal, she doesn't hurt people, she doesn't bully people, but she refuses to listen to anyone or do anything she's supposed to. So, to me, she's intentionally behaving badly and that doesn't really scream "good kid." I know it's my job to instill confidence and self-respect in her, but isn't it also my job to teach her that good people do good things and bad people do bad things? That our choices are who we are and the consequences reflect that? That life is what you make it and bad choices and bad behavior will make it bad? How do I teach her that by telling her she's a great kid when she's really not behaving as a great kid? And for the love of pete, how the fuck do I get the kid to do a damn chore?! I did follow up with her after a few moments for both of us to calm down and explain to her that I know that she is very capable of being a great kid if she makes the choice to do so, that she's the only one who can make that choice, and that I will help her do that in any way I can. I told her that I am her mom, I am never giving up on her, I will love her with all of my heart forever no matter what, but her bad behavior makes me very sad. Hopefully, that makes the "bad kid" comment just a little less horrible. Or maybe I'm just justifying my bad behavior now. Why the hell didn't anyone tell me this mommy stuff was so damn hard???
Ugh, so this is my struggle today. And actually, most days lately. We'll get through it and I doubt she will be a serial killer or a bank robber, but I am still going to aim to guide her to become a successful, independent, happy adult, no matter how hard she fights me on it.
I can't decide if telling her that she's a "bad kid" was the worst mommy move ever, or possibly a kick in the butt for her to do better. She strives to be the best at everything, except behaving apparently. She truly wants to be awesome. And in many ways she is awesome. She doesn't steal, she doesn't hurt people, she doesn't bully people, but she refuses to listen to anyone or do anything she's supposed to. So, to me, she's intentionally behaving badly and that doesn't really scream "good kid." I know it's my job to instill confidence and self-respect in her, but isn't it also my job to teach her that good people do good things and bad people do bad things? That our choices are who we are and the consequences reflect that? That life is what you make it and bad choices and bad behavior will make it bad? How do I teach her that by telling her she's a great kid when she's really not behaving as a great kid? And for the love of pete, how the fuck do I get the kid to do a damn chore?! I did follow up with her after a few moments for both of us to calm down and explain to her that I know that she is very capable of being a great kid if she makes the choice to do so, that she's the only one who can make that choice, and that I will help her do that in any way I can. I told her that I am her mom, I am never giving up on her, I will love her with all of my heart forever no matter what, but her bad behavior makes me very sad. Hopefully, that makes the "bad kid" comment just a little less horrible. Or maybe I'm just justifying my bad behavior now. Why the hell didn't anyone tell me this mommy stuff was so damn hard???
Ugh, so this is my struggle today. And actually, most days lately. We'll get through it and I doubt she will be a serial killer or a bank robber, but I am still going to aim to guide her to become a successful, independent, happy adult, no matter how hard she fights me on it.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Empower them!
I have an opinion that I am going to share...shocking, right?! It is likely not going to be a popular one, but it's my blog and I do what I want. If you don't like it, feel free to share your views and comments and we can agree to disagree.
We hear so much these days about bullying with school-age children. It really is becoming such a problem in this entitled generation that is being raised. Kids are being raised to think that they can do no wrong, that they are the best at everything, and that other kids are less than themselves. There is nothing that the good parents can do about the choices of the bullies' parents. Nothing. We cannot legislate them to teach their kids respect nor can we legislate the children to suddenly relearn their self-image and their image of others. They have been raised to be mean, for whatever reason. No, we should not just give up on these children, but we should focus on our own children. What does a bully prey on? On another person's self-image. They make the other kids feel helpless, less than the bully, and unable to do anything about it. Why do we raise kids who allow this to happen? And this is where this will get tricky... No, I am not blaming the victim! I am really not. I am advocating for parents to teach their children that other kids' opinions of them are just that, irrelevant opinions! My kids are normal kids and tend to say mean things to each other at times. One will come tell me, "MOM! So-and-so just called me dumb!" My response is always, "Are you dumb?" The child will say no, of course. So I ask them, "then why does it matter? If you aren't dumb, the opinion is false and means nothing. If you were dumb, which you are certainly not, and didn't like that opinion of yourself, you could change it. But when someone calls you something it only hurts you as much as YOU let it." Of course, the other child is also dealt with accordingly, but they are learning that what other people say or think about them does not define them! That they are who they are and no one can change that.
Mylee is currently dealing with a difficult child at school. He was pulling on her backpack the other day and she told him that if he didn't stop her mom would come talk to him and he replied with a threat to have his dad come cut her head off with a knife. Ummmm, what?! We are talking about first graders here! Mom's first instinct? Go talk to the teacher, the principal, the head of the school district and the kid's parents!! Mom's actual reaction? Helping her deal with what he said, letting her know that he was coming from an ugly place and it is not her fault that he behaves this way, and guiding her to the proper avenues for handling the situation appropriately. She spoke to the principal first thing the next morning and things were dealt with. I could have coddled her, told her, "poor baby, mommy will save you, he's such a mean little boy." I could have helped her become the victim. Instead, I enabled her to handle the situation, stick up for herself, find a proper solution, and show the boy that she will not take his actions lightly.
I truly do not believe that my children will be bullies OR the victims of bullies. They are learning that they are no better or worse than any other person. That every person has worth and is special in their own way. They are being taught how unacceptable bullying is and not to allow it. We can't fight bullying by focusing only on the bullies. We need to empower our children to take charge of who they are and be confident in that and not allow others to change that or take that away from them!
We hear so much these days about bullying with school-age children. It really is becoming such a problem in this entitled generation that is being raised. Kids are being raised to think that they can do no wrong, that they are the best at everything, and that other kids are less than themselves. There is nothing that the good parents can do about the choices of the bullies' parents. Nothing. We cannot legislate them to teach their kids respect nor can we legislate the children to suddenly relearn their self-image and their image of others. They have been raised to be mean, for whatever reason. No, we should not just give up on these children, but we should focus on our own children. What does a bully prey on? On another person's self-image. They make the other kids feel helpless, less than the bully, and unable to do anything about it. Why do we raise kids who allow this to happen? And this is where this will get tricky... No, I am not blaming the victim! I am really not. I am advocating for parents to teach their children that other kids' opinions of them are just that, irrelevant opinions! My kids are normal kids and tend to say mean things to each other at times. One will come tell me, "MOM! So-and-so just called me dumb!" My response is always, "Are you dumb?" The child will say no, of course. So I ask them, "then why does it matter? If you aren't dumb, the opinion is false and means nothing. If you were dumb, which you are certainly not, and didn't like that opinion of yourself, you could change it. But when someone calls you something it only hurts you as much as YOU let it." Of course, the other child is also dealt with accordingly, but they are learning that what other people say or think about them does not define them! That they are who they are and no one can change that.
Mylee is currently dealing with a difficult child at school. He was pulling on her backpack the other day and she told him that if he didn't stop her mom would come talk to him and he replied with a threat to have his dad come cut her head off with a knife. Ummmm, what?! We are talking about first graders here! Mom's first instinct? Go talk to the teacher, the principal, the head of the school district and the kid's parents!! Mom's actual reaction? Helping her deal with what he said, letting her know that he was coming from an ugly place and it is not her fault that he behaves this way, and guiding her to the proper avenues for handling the situation appropriately. She spoke to the principal first thing the next morning and things were dealt with. I could have coddled her, told her, "poor baby, mommy will save you, he's such a mean little boy." I could have helped her become the victim. Instead, I enabled her to handle the situation, stick up for herself, find a proper solution, and show the boy that she will not take his actions lightly.
I truly do not believe that my children will be bullies OR the victims of bullies. They are learning that they are no better or worse than any other person. That every person has worth and is special in their own way. They are being taught how unacceptable bullying is and not to allow it. We can't fight bullying by focusing only on the bullies. We need to empower our children to take charge of who they are and be confident in that and not allow others to change that or take that away from them!
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Back to the real world!
I haven't blogged in over a month and it feels really good to be sitting in front of my computer to type out our crazy stories again! :) I would have probably been on here a lot in the last month, as it has been eventful, but we had no internet and I detest blogging on my phone.
We are all settled in St. George! It is WONDERFUL! I do miss being able to go outside in my underwear and not having to deal with the crazy people/drivers for sure, but the convenience of having a grocery store, doctor, and Jimmy John's right around the corner is worth putting pants on and yelling obscenities at the people who irritate me (which is actually most people these days :/ )! Our apartment is tiny and we only have one bathroom but we are making it work and it makes cleaning much faster and easier, so I can't complain about that! We have a pool right outside our door so we are all anxiously awaiting the warmer weather so we can swim! And it doesn't seem to be too far off! Yesterday it was in the 60s and I had the windows open throughout the house. I really love the weather here!
Bj is doing well in school. He's not super in love with it and just wants it to be over, but he's sticking with it and knows it's the best move for us at this point, which I admire so much! It's really hard to go to school, but it's even harder if you just don't want to be there. He's been doing pretty well on his quizzes and has good attendance so far. He's been a rockstar husband to me lately, as well. The poor man has a completely insane woman on his hands right now! For example, we always talk about not doing anything on Valentine's day because we agree that it really is a ridiculous holiday. We tell/show each other we are in love everyday, we don't need a special day to remind us to do this. Well this year that conversation ended with me saying, "But this year, that means I really want you to do something special for me..." He looked at me like I had totally lost my mind...and he's likely right! Poor guy! But he's being a trooper about it! And I think he plans to take me out shooting to celebrate Valentine's day...he's so great! :)
The kids are doing really well here! Hailey's teacher is so perfect for her! I couldn't have asked for a better teacher, seriously. The day we went in to meet the teachers we walked into Hailey's classroom and it is decorated all medieval with a cardboard castle built in the corner for the kids to read in, and knights and queens and swords and shields. Anyone who knows my little bookworm knows this could not fit her better. Needless to say, she was super excited to start and still loves going to school every day! Mylee's teacher is also pretty great for her. She has a good balance of making things fun while still keeping Mylee reigned in, so that is great! Mylee has had a bit of an issue with one of the boys in her class. He started telling her he loves her rather incessantly starting on her first day and continues to tease and pester her. She has talked to the teacher, principal, and counselor so far. I am trying very hard to allow her to handle this and guide her to the right venues to find a solution but it's tough to sit on the side lines! She's done great at standing up for herself so far and asking authority figures for help though, so I am just listening and guiding her...for now! Austin is dying to start kindergarten next year. He really cannot wait! And Colton has started walking/running and really seems to have developed mentally a lot just since we've moved here. They are all just doing really well!
The pregnancy is making me crazy, but going well. We easily heard the heartbeat at my last check up. I am now 16+ weeks, or 4 months. Not quite halfway done. I still have not had even a drag of a cigarette. Tomorrow will be 3 months exactly since my last cigarette and it's really not as difficult as I thought it would be. I don't really have any triggers that make me want one anymore and hardly ever have a craving for one. Bj has cut back and never smokes when he's home so that helps a lot, I think. I am calling this month the month of appointments! So far all of the kids have had dental check ups/cleanings, which all ended well with no cavities! Mylee will need braces (thanks a ton, Shane!), Hailey may need them, and the boys both look really good so far. I also had a dental check up recently and mine didn't go so well. I have enough work to do in my mouth that they split it up into three appointments next week. :( I have fillings on one side happening on Monday, the other side on Tuesday, and wisdom teeth being removed Thursday. I also need to have a prenatal check this month, Mylee's annual check up, an eye appointment for Colton, and my ultrasound! We are busy to say the least! We also have a few birthdays this month, including mine and Mylee's! I cannot believe she's going to be 7 already! All of these kids are growing up much too quickly for me! It's really so much fun to watch and be a part of and I couldn't be more proud of the awesome people they are becoming! :)
We are all settled in St. George! It is WONDERFUL! I do miss being able to go outside in my underwear and not having to deal with the crazy people/drivers for sure, but the convenience of having a grocery store, doctor, and Jimmy John's right around the corner is worth putting pants on and yelling obscenities at the people who irritate me (which is actually most people these days :/ )! Our apartment is tiny and we only have one bathroom but we are making it work and it makes cleaning much faster and easier, so I can't complain about that! We have a pool right outside our door so we are all anxiously awaiting the warmer weather so we can swim! And it doesn't seem to be too far off! Yesterday it was in the 60s and I had the windows open throughout the house. I really love the weather here!
Bj is doing well in school. He's not super in love with it and just wants it to be over, but he's sticking with it and knows it's the best move for us at this point, which I admire so much! It's really hard to go to school, but it's even harder if you just don't want to be there. He's been doing pretty well on his quizzes and has good attendance so far. He's been a rockstar husband to me lately, as well. The poor man has a completely insane woman on his hands right now! For example, we always talk about not doing anything on Valentine's day because we agree that it really is a ridiculous holiday. We tell/show each other we are in love everyday, we don't need a special day to remind us to do this. Well this year that conversation ended with me saying, "But this year, that means I really want you to do something special for me..." He looked at me like I had totally lost my mind...and he's likely right! Poor guy! But he's being a trooper about it! And I think he plans to take me out shooting to celebrate Valentine's day...he's so great! :)
The kids are doing really well here! Hailey's teacher is so perfect for her! I couldn't have asked for a better teacher, seriously. The day we went in to meet the teachers we walked into Hailey's classroom and it is decorated all medieval with a cardboard castle built in the corner for the kids to read in, and knights and queens and swords and shields. Anyone who knows my little bookworm knows this could not fit her better. Needless to say, she was super excited to start and still loves going to school every day! Mylee's teacher is also pretty great for her. She has a good balance of making things fun while still keeping Mylee reigned in, so that is great! Mylee has had a bit of an issue with one of the boys in her class. He started telling her he loves her rather incessantly starting on her first day and continues to tease and pester her. She has talked to the teacher, principal, and counselor so far. I am trying very hard to allow her to handle this and guide her to the right venues to find a solution but it's tough to sit on the side lines! She's done great at standing up for herself so far and asking authority figures for help though, so I am just listening and guiding her...for now! Austin is dying to start kindergarten next year. He really cannot wait! And Colton has started walking/running and really seems to have developed mentally a lot just since we've moved here. They are all just doing really well!
The pregnancy is making me crazy, but going well. We easily heard the heartbeat at my last check up. I am now 16+ weeks, or 4 months. Not quite halfway done. I still have not had even a drag of a cigarette. Tomorrow will be 3 months exactly since my last cigarette and it's really not as difficult as I thought it would be. I don't really have any triggers that make me want one anymore and hardly ever have a craving for one. Bj has cut back and never smokes when he's home so that helps a lot, I think. I am calling this month the month of appointments! So far all of the kids have had dental check ups/cleanings, which all ended well with no cavities! Mylee will need braces (thanks a ton, Shane!), Hailey may need them, and the boys both look really good so far. I also had a dental check up recently and mine didn't go so well. I have enough work to do in my mouth that they split it up into three appointments next week. :( I have fillings on one side happening on Monday, the other side on Tuesday, and wisdom teeth being removed Thursday. I also need to have a prenatal check this month, Mylee's annual check up, an eye appointment for Colton, and my ultrasound! We are busy to say the least! We also have a few birthdays this month, including mine and Mylee's! I cannot believe she's going to be 7 already! All of these kids are growing up much too quickly for me! It's really so much fun to watch and be a part of and I couldn't be more proud of the awesome people they are becoming! :)
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
My answer.
Why is there so much community blame going around for the horrible tragedy that happened last Friday? I have heard that it is due to taking God out of the schools, it's because we are accepting homosexual relationships, because we allow "assault rifles" to be sold to and owned by civilians. Why aren't parents being looked at a little closer?
While I agree that children have to be raised with a sense of right and wrong, I fully disagree that this must be done through church and God. I do not teach based on any religious beliefs and we do not go to church. My kids still know the difference between right and wrong. I am a good moral person raising children with morals and values and have never needed to put the fear of God into my children to do so. Saying that these things wouldn't happen if children were expected to pray in school every morning is just silly. Parents need to teach their kids right from wrong, with our without a belief in a higher power!
I can't even address the homosexual acceptance reasoning because this one will NEVER make any damn sense to me at all. I will use this opportunity to say that we are all human, we are all equal, and we should all have the same right to marital bliss (or misery, depending on how you do it). Who your neighbor marries will have no effect on your marriage at all, and if it does, you have far greater issues than who your neighbors are! I hate that such an important portion of our society is being discriminated against. I can't wait until our grandchildren look back on this time and think what a bunch of assholes we were for ever trying to discriminate based on something so ridiculous.
I am sick of hearing, "why do you need a rifle that will shoot so many bullets?" Ok, any rifle will shoot as many rounds through it as I put in it. These "assault rifles" are mechanically almost identical to any other rifle. They are not automatic weapons that shoot a hundred rounds with one pull of the trigger. The big difference between these rifles and your grandpa's deer hunting rifle is cosmetics. There are millions of people who own semi-automatic rifles that have never killed anyone. The second amendment was put in place to restrict the government from infringing on the right to bare arms. Please, explain to me how restricting the arms we can bare is not infringing. This isn't about the guns. This is about the individuals who committed these atrocious acts! You want to restrict something? How about we start testing and doing background checks for becoming a parent? We have so many children these days who are being raised by video games, not being supervised, not being taught! You want to ask me why I need a semi-automatic AR-15? Well, why the hell does your 8 year old need to be playing Call of Duty or Grand Theft Auto? Why are parents trying to be friends to their children instead of parents? Why are parents so afraid of recognizing an issue with their children and seeking the help that they need? Why aren't we setting boundaries and providing consistent consequences for actions? Children need to be taught about real life and parented and taught respect and responsibility. They need morals and values. I would be VERY interested to see how these killers were raised. Were they given boundaries and consistent consequences? Were they taught about the value of life? Were they "out of control" teens with mental issues that didn't receive the time, attention, and help they needed?
It doesn't matter what guns are restricted, it won't help. Sure, take away the guns that fire several rounds quickly. Automatic rifles are already illegal, didn't do as much good as you had hoped, did it? The next guy will just download plans for a home made bomb on the internet and blow up the entire school. IT IS GOING TO CONTINUE! The answer isn't taking away the means for the violence. It is parenting, raising kids who don't want to do these things, and recognizing mental issues before they get to this point and getting the help needed! Let's screen parents regarding values before they become parents. Let's offer a lot of parenting resources and education. Let's do mental screenings in high school like we do the SATs and get help for the children who need it! Don't get me wrong. I am about to have five children and the fact that I have five chances to completely screw up a child and send a mess of an adult out into the world scares the hell out of me. I will be the first to admit that I am FAR from the perfect parent, but I do believe that I am teaching them life lessons that need to be taught and I am involved with them enough that I will recognize an issue like this and get them help long before it ever gets to this point. The answer to these problems is good parenting and getting people the help that they need.
While I agree that children have to be raised with a sense of right and wrong, I fully disagree that this must be done through church and God. I do not teach based on any religious beliefs and we do not go to church. My kids still know the difference between right and wrong. I am a good moral person raising children with morals and values and have never needed to put the fear of God into my children to do so. Saying that these things wouldn't happen if children were expected to pray in school every morning is just silly. Parents need to teach their kids right from wrong, with our without a belief in a higher power!
I can't even address the homosexual acceptance reasoning because this one will NEVER make any damn sense to me at all. I will use this opportunity to say that we are all human, we are all equal, and we should all have the same right to marital bliss (or misery, depending on how you do it). Who your neighbor marries will have no effect on your marriage at all, and if it does, you have far greater issues than who your neighbors are! I hate that such an important portion of our society is being discriminated against. I can't wait until our grandchildren look back on this time and think what a bunch of assholes we were for ever trying to discriminate based on something so ridiculous.
I am sick of hearing, "why do you need a rifle that will shoot so many bullets?" Ok, any rifle will shoot as many rounds through it as I put in it. These "assault rifles" are mechanically almost identical to any other rifle. They are not automatic weapons that shoot a hundred rounds with one pull of the trigger. The big difference between these rifles and your grandpa's deer hunting rifle is cosmetics. There are millions of people who own semi-automatic rifles that have never killed anyone. The second amendment was put in place to restrict the government from infringing on the right to bare arms. Please, explain to me how restricting the arms we can bare is not infringing. This isn't about the guns. This is about the individuals who committed these atrocious acts! You want to restrict something? How about we start testing and doing background checks for becoming a parent? We have so many children these days who are being raised by video games, not being supervised, not being taught! You want to ask me why I need a semi-automatic AR-15? Well, why the hell does your 8 year old need to be playing Call of Duty or Grand Theft Auto? Why are parents trying to be friends to their children instead of parents? Why are parents so afraid of recognizing an issue with their children and seeking the help that they need? Why aren't we setting boundaries and providing consistent consequences for actions? Children need to be taught about real life and parented and taught respect and responsibility. They need morals and values. I would be VERY interested to see how these killers were raised. Were they given boundaries and consistent consequences? Were they taught about the value of life? Were they "out of control" teens with mental issues that didn't receive the time, attention, and help they needed?
It doesn't matter what guns are restricted, it won't help. Sure, take away the guns that fire several rounds quickly. Automatic rifles are already illegal, didn't do as much good as you had hoped, did it? The next guy will just download plans for a home made bomb on the internet and blow up the entire school. IT IS GOING TO CONTINUE! The answer isn't taking away the means for the violence. It is parenting, raising kids who don't want to do these things, and recognizing mental issues before they get to this point and getting the help needed! Let's screen parents regarding values before they become parents. Let's offer a lot of parenting resources and education. Let's do mental screenings in high school like we do the SATs and get help for the children who need it! Don't get me wrong. I am about to have five children and the fact that I have five chances to completely screw up a child and send a mess of an adult out into the world scares the hell out of me. I will be the first to admit that I am FAR from the perfect parent, but I do believe that I am teaching them life lessons that need to be taught and I am involved with them enough that I will recognize an issue like this and get them help long before it ever gets to this point. The answer to these problems is good parenting and getting people the help that they need.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)